Alex Who? Freshly Edited

 

 

Alright. I’ve created this fictional character, Alex over 5 years ago because I was so bored at the then corporate job. I needed a character to entertain myself. I felt like breaking away from myself – a corporate, self-righteous, shy chick who always listened to mommy and daddy. I wanted to spice up my life with something real and fun, bold and adventurous – something I couldn’t articulate. An elusive feeling was eating me at all my corporate jobs. The feeling of not belonging to or not fitting into a corporate environment was gradually creeping in. I’d secretly admired frivolous, free-spirited go-go dancers, wearing tiny bikini tops and dresses at night clubs in Kiev. Even whores and prostitutes evoked some weird admiration. They didn’t have boring corporate life-styles, you know… There was something odd about all my corporate jobs. The whole idea of making a difference in the field of corporate law sounded dubious. Employers would always reassured me of shit load of work, mentorship, professional growth, workshops and business trips. I did go to London a few times and mingled with well-dressed solicitors, attending high-profile events at the Barbican. Of course there always were a few important cases or projects I worked on followed by nothing. A complete nothing. A downtime. It was like a corporate curse holding up my development as a bad-ass corporate lawyer. At some point  I’d always  find myself staring out the window, hit by Existentialism, secretly printing out Tarantino scripts on law firm printers, and dreaming of looking promiscuous. I read a bit of philosophy books and took weird pointless improvisation classes and driven by boredom. It wasn’t my fault. It was Force Major. It was the Revolution. Global Financial Crisis, Bernie Madoff, Credit Crunch and etc.  Eventually I’d find myself staring out of top window of the skyscraper in Midtown East. “I am sorry but we are downsizing the entire hedge fund!” My manager Mark said, trying to pull off a genuine pitiful look. I pretended to be sad too, “Oh I am frustrated  that I no longer have to rock my mind to understand short selling. And ask for help to do do math to reconcile a financial statement. Not but really how tragic is it, that I shall never again get this fat annual bonus.  Goodbye my career as the compliance associate!”

There’s nothing more refreshing than watching my career plans and aspirations fall apart and shatter into pieces like a grandmother’s crystal vase. For sometime I buy an illusion that I can be that normal prudent person who knows what to answer during an interview with HR person for another associate corporate position. Then the undertow inside me grows into tsunami and I erupt… But it took me one more corporate job to draw the conclusion and kill the corporate chick once and for all.

So when I started this blog I’d had a little of life experience and I’d been still young and naive. I guess anyone who moves to NYC from from overseas and who is not a trust fund kid will wind up riding a roller coaster. I am still on a roller coaster. I have been up and down, riding dam roller coaster for at least 4 years now. New York had me like bacon burning on the pan. Over the course of my adventures I had my heart chopped and grilled on high heat. My mind dipped into potion and pickled with chipotle sauce and red salsa. My soul? Hurricane Sandy touched it alright. Only my body  remains intact. Tight. Strong. Hungry. My life is not as I had imagined it to be 10 years ago.  While most of my classmates are exploring their motherhoods or/and moving forward with their careers, I find myself half naked twerking and working on the pole, mastering the art of pitch perfect, and practicing acting skills and discovering artistic expression thru sexual dance and movement. I travel and move around the towns and states like a restless toad high from a mix of adrenaline, adventures, encounters, caffeine, booze, and music and dramas, trying to tame fleeting episodes and moments worth writing about. I am so behind. But I wasn’t even born on time…