The person who gives up his individual self and becomes an automaton, identical with millions of other automatons around him, need not feel alone and anxious any more. But the price he pays, however, is high; it is the loss of his self.
E. Fromm. Escape from Freedom
PricewaterHouseCoopers (PwC). ” I am a junior associate at PwC.” I used to say and repeat this name out loud, a weird compound word, stressing all three syllables, Price and House and Coopers. I used to brag about it as if it symbolized both tangible and intangible assets associated with Porsche Cayenne, Birkin bag, a ticket to the moon, a fat envious resume, a prosperous future and a wealthy husband. PwC was my first serious job. It lasted a year. It lasted until I realized that that I was too impatient for a slow corporate development. I became so bored and restless, that I printed the entire script of Kill Bill on a PWC’s printer. Yet I was proud to have PwC on my resume. I could communicate fluently in a corporate language. I was only 24. My resume said that I’d flown on a private jet to carry out a legal due diligence in a hostile acquisition bid, representing one of the richest clients in Europe. It also said that I had a scuba diving license, PADI and I could moan like Sharapova when making a serve and I that I played violin. What it didn’t say was that I had zero motivation to climb a corporate ladder. My resume didn’t say that my parents pushed me to become a lawyer. My resume didn’t say that sometimes I’d secretly admired agile, half-naked sexy dancers, wishing I were them, admiring their freedom of movement and improvisation. My resume didn’t say that deep inside I wanted to crawl out of myself and of my promising career of a corporate associate, I was yearning to be someone else. It didn’t say that I let in the invisible mosquito inside me, to bite me, to gnaw at my heart for not doing what I was supposed to be doing – pursuing my own path.
I did it the hard way. Or was it even only me? The annihilation of a corporate chick didn’t happen over night. But it happened. I returned to MY-SELF. I am still returning to my-self…